If you got a chance to watch Bobby Cremins' press conference yesterday, you may have noticed that Coach seemed to be in good spirits but didn't really share anything we didn't already know. That's a common technique I've noticed with many in the sports world. With near-constant interviews and press conferences, sometimes even the intelligent and well-spoken resort to this strange verbiage of saying words without saying anything at all. "Coach-speak" as I like to call it, is the theory behind such great postgame one-liners as "we played as a team" or "we failed to execute".
Being inspired by Cremins' announcements I'd like to take this opportunity to translate the many sayings of another great coach who is fluent Coach-Speak, Mr. John Kresse. The namesake of this blog is now a regular on the Cougar TV Network and his euphemisms are some of my favorites in the broadcasting world.
Below are a few of Coach Kresse's game time quotes, followed by their translations to everyday vernacular (this exercise works even better when you read the quotes in Kresse's trademark New York accent).
- "Not a very high percentage shot" - Jordan, what are you thinking?
- "He runs the floor very well and is a great hustle player" - kid can't shoot
- "He's a real rugged player, likes to roll up his sleeves" - this kid is going to get in early foul trouble
- "This is a very deep conference" - this conference sucks
- "Much more of a finesse player" - This young man lacks toughness, and is likely to cry
- "Gonna be a real up-and-down game Nate!"- neither of these teams can run a half-court offense
- "Fortunately, a number of players are getting big-time minutes" - we got too many injuries
- "Andrew Lawrence has a shot at playing in the London Olympics" - I've run out of talking points
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